Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
