My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
