They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
