I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
