I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
