Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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