Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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