I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
