Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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