Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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