i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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