She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
