This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
