you will always have a special place in my vag
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
