these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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