So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
