If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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