Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
