I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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