in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
