Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
