Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
