Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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