I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
