Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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