Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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