Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
