Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
