Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
