Pants 0. Shit 1.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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