I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
