he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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