On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
