I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
