dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
