If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
