My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
