Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
