so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
