I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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