Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
