How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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