Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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