I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
