Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
