I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
