watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bring money and cleavage
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
