I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
