were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
