so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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