Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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